If Twenty U.S. Government BuzzWords Could Speak Consciously

US Gov Jargon

Source: Ingenious Press

1.   ‘Minimum Wage‘ – I’d pay you even less if I could

2.   ‘Democracy‘ – The people have spoken, and the majority still don’t realize we are actually a Republic

3.   ‘Freedom‘ – I’m a false and morally-bankrupt illusion. People here think i’m American, but i’m actually from Greece.

4.   ‘Freedom Fries‘ – I’m a salty and nutritionally-bankrupt product. People here think I’m French, but I’m actually from Belgium.

5.   ‘Liberty‘ – I’m just what people say when they want to avoid saying ‘Freedom’ so damn often.

6.   ‘Justice‘ – I don’t really know. It’s just…..”What we bring them to”…..Okay?

7.   ‘Lockdown‘ – It’s Martial Law. Stop Pretending.

8.   ‘Regime Change‘ – Oh sorry, that’s a grammatical error. It’s actually “Change To A Regime”.

9.  ‘TSA‘ – “Transportation Security Administration” just sounded a lot better than “Thorough Search Aggravation”.

10. ‘Terrorism’ – I’ve literally been around forever, but people think I was invented sometime around September 2001.

11. ‘Right To Work‘ – You have the right to more-or-less be guaranteed work for low pay and negligible benefits.

12. ‘Fiscal Cliff‘ – Think of the economy as a car and the rich man is the driver. If you don’t give the driver all the money, he will drive you over a cliff. It’s just common sense. – (Mr. Burns, The Simpsons)

13. ‘Exit Strategy‘ – Any man with a brain and two functional limbs can eventually find the exit at the worlds biggest mall. The U.S. military in Afghanistan can’t figure out how to do it, with all those Jets and Helicopters, after 12 years?

14. ‘All Options On The Table‘ – Mmmmmmmm, that “War” plate looks mighty tasty, but I’ll stick to my diet….for now.

15.  ‘Homeland Security‘ – Whose “Homeland” are we supposed to secure exactly? Most of the Homelands of people wearing this uniform appear to be somewhere in Europe, Sub-Saharan Africa, or Mexico. I don’t see many Native Americans….

16. ‘CDC’ (Centers For Disease Control) – Notice we say “control” rather than “cure”. It hurts our profits if we actually cure diseases. You think we’re gonna make money after our annual flu-shot and vaccine scaremongering campaigns fizzle out?

17. ‘Enhanced Interrogation Techniques‘ – Waterboarding, Stress Positions, and Sleep Deprivation. I’m Torture which leaves no physical evidence.

18. ‘Kinetic Military Action‘ – I’m just ‘Military Action’ with a largely unused word relating to movement thrown into the fray. I’m what politicians say when they just can’t bear to say “War”.

19. ‘Department of Defense‘ – Before World War II, when we were then called the “War Department”, we actually fought some defensive conflicts. After World War II when we became the “Defense Department”, literally every conflict we have been involved in has been offensive.

20. ‘God Bless America‘ – With the highest violent crime rate, highest obesity rate, highest income inequality rate, highest incarceration rate, and highest teen pregnancy rate among developed nations? Okay….here’s your “blessings”…….from “God”.

This listing first appeared on Ingenious Press. Support us on our Facebook Page and we encourage you to share this piece far and wide.

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